If you were to stop reading now because you're certain this post is going to sound just like everyone else's story, I won't be offended. However, if you choose to have an open mind and learn more about me...well...don't judge me! The things that I'm going to say may surprise some while others may be glad that I'm finally getting it off my chest. Whatever the case may be, I hope the Holy Spirit moves through this post and into your heart (if He's not already there).----
In case you hadn't figured it out yet, my father passed away when I was a little girl. For a long time I was angry at him and at God...but I got over it. For 13 years I dealt with the pain in the best way I knew how...by burying it.
The summer between my freshmen and sophomore year was really strange. Nothing out of the ordinary happened...no traumatic event...I mean, I had a full-time job, I was involved with the praise team, and I was having a blast! But when school started, I was hit with a HUGE wave of sadness. I couldn't figure out what was going on, but I had no intention of taking the time to dive into the corners of my heart. Nope! That would require a lot of tears (which are pointless) and pain. So, I pushed everyone that cared about me away. It seemed like the logical thing for me to do. They seemed so happy, and I wasn't. There was no way I was going to subject myself to such torture!
I praise God for my true friends. No matter how hard I pushed them away, they clung to me...to the point where I was slightly annoyed with them (lol). I remember during AY one Friday night I was thinking about the upcoming semester and all the classes that i would have to take. I walked outside the building and began feeling overwhelmed. I stooped down and tried to slow down my breathing and steady my heart rate. One of my campus mothers came out of nowhere and knelt down next to me. She held and encouraged me. Eventually, I was able to breathe without sobbing, so I went back inside. Another time, one of my best guy friends saw me walk out the church (during another AY service) and followed me to my car. He sat in the passenger seat and asked me what was wrong. IMMEDIATELY, I started bawling. He put his arms around me and let me cry (for the short period of time that I would allow myself to cry). There were countless sermons that brought me to tears, pounds and pounds to tissues used to wipe me face, tear stains on many of my friend's shirts and pants...and none of them minded.
Anyway, I decided that it was time for me to get re-baptized. There was too much hurt and baggage in my life. I knew that in order for me to grow, I had to let it all go. First semester of my sophomore year, God decided that would be the time to break me. He broke down my barriers and reminded me of who He was and who He could be if I let Him in. And so, on February 21, I went down in that watery grave and came up baggage free.
I remember feeling like I was on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down from the spiritual high I was on at that time. God allowed me work through my anger and hurt. I refused to hold any more grudges. I was finally free...
Now, I'm not going to lie and say that everything has been peachy keen since then, but I will say that I'm not the same person that I was. By allowing Christ to come into my life, I (and those who have known me for some time) can see a change. I'm not perfect and will never claim to be, but I'm so glad I know a perfect Savior who saw fit to work on me.
No comments:
Post a Comment