I don't wanna waste an entire album on you
I've been there done that
And I don't wanna tell who, what, when, where
Why and how, 'cause who cares? Nobody cares.
(Vivian Green - Beautiful)
I hope you all take a moment to watch the video or listen to the song...because then you may be able to better understand where I'm coming from.
My goal was to use 30 different people to complete this challenge. Guess I need to come up with a new goal. =/ Here we go!
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Crazy how drastically things can change in 1 year. 365 days. Last year this time, there was still a bit of tension in our relationship, but we were determined to make it work. I mean, you had finally chosen me...so we owed it to each other to sort things out...right? And things were going well. We were talking about our plans for my birthday and beyond. Puppies...fishing trips...big plans!
Then my birthday rolled around and I allowed you to make me look like a fool. That's what's so funny about all of this, no matter how much you are to blame, I don't expect anyone to feel badly for me because I fell for all of your lies and I played a role in all the confusion.
I tried so hard to get myself away from the situation. Knowing that it wasn't healthy for either of us, I severed all communication for a while. Then more drama broke out...more lies...more confusion. At that point, I was determined not to talk to you ever again. Not because I was angry, but because I thought I deserved better.
So when you reached out to me I was shocked and confused...but mostly scared. I didn't know what you could possibly have to say to me after months of silence. Then we slowly fell back into our old rhythm and I couldn't control how I felt. You shoved more lies down my throat and I ate it up. Then...as I should've expected...more drama. And, again, I purposed in my heart not to interact with you on an emotional level. Maintaining a friendship was most important to me, but you couldn't do that. It hurt for the first few days, but I got over it.
Then you hit me up out of nowhere and proposed a friendship. When I explained to you that we could never have a strictly platonic relationship you agreed and confessed your feelings for me again and even mentioned the idea of marriage. Big plans all over again. Then the story changed and my tolerance evaporated. I cut you off...this time, for good.
The thing that kills me the most is that I don't think I'm strong enough to get through this. Everything reminds me of you. I don't have the desire to be a relationship...you really broke me and you don't even care. But it's cool. At the end of the day, I only want you to be happy. So, I'm saying goodbye and good luck right now...because with God's help, I will come out on the other side of this a better person. I'm not going to allow you and your mistakes to determine when I can be happy again. My heart is going to be open to the man that decides I'm worth it. And when you see that, don't come running back to me. Let bygones be bygones.
I'm off this emotional roller coaster for good
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