Prints

she can still remember sitting up there
up where she could see endless seas and possibilities
up there where she understood her value
it was in those moments
spent on his shoulders that
she realized her worth

two bodies making one set of footprints
redundant mental picture shows flash images
images of the world from his vantage point
memories of secure exposure

when he put her on the ground
her feet brushed against a reality
she wasn't ready to face
forced to walk ahead leaving smaller prints in her wake

the indentations left by his feet become a vividly distant memory
and though many have tried to imitate that shoulder-top experience for her
no one has ever been able to duplicate his prints

spectators say that those prints should fade
his...his...his...theirs...hers...his....hers...theirs...
but as she walks, those should-be-fading prints seem to multiply
and she doesn't complain because they protect her

but as they shut out the loneliness and fear, angry faces and sinister smiles
they shut out caring hearts and open arms
so she chooses to walk alone with her head held high
surrounded by hundreds of footprints that left no impressions

signed,
me

Day 30 - Your Reflection in the Mirror

*sigh*

Finally at the end of the challenge. 30 days filled with soul searching and intense reflections. The different topics were intended (in my opinion) to bring me to this point...this day...this topic.

My reflection in the mirror:



I don't think I've ever really spent very much time looking at my reflection. Sure, I'm a little on the vain side...so I check the mirror from time to time to make sure my makeup is in order, or that my hair isn't doing it's own thing, or that I don't have something in my teeth...but have I ever really taken the time to look at myself?

All my life I've heard people say a lot of good things about my appearance. Smooth skin...slim and trim...nice smile...blah blah blah....but I couldn't see it. The days when I felt beautiful were few and far between. So when I did look in the mirror, I never saw anything special. What I could see were the bags under my eyes that I had inherited from my grandfather (thanks, Grandaddy!).

But the things that I overlooked were my strength, charisma, passion, and the love that I have for so many people. And so, here it is ...my final piece...
________________________________________________________________________

Look Inside


No matter what I see in this looking glass
Beauty is only skin deep
But go beyond the surface and understand
That all you've endured has made you who you are
The tears that poured from your eyes
Yielded gallons of strength and wisdom
Within your heart is a desire to change the world
And although people may never understand the depth of your love
It's hidden in every smile that crosses your lips
There is one thing that I have to say
No matter how strong and independent you may be
Showing your emotions isn't always a bad thing
Of course there will be people that try to take advantage of you
But don't allow them to define who you are
Remain true to who you are and what you stand for
Realize that there is nothing that you cannot do
And move forward with courage and faith in the God you serve
Never give up on love and happiness
Because your fairy tale ending is on its way
Most importantly, believe that you are beautiful...

________________________________________________________________________

Day 29 - The Person That You Want Tell Everything, but You're Too Afraid to

I wish I could tell you
All the mistakes I've made
I wish I could tell you
But you wouldn't look at me the same

I wish I could tell you
How that my self esteem is fried
I wish I could tell you
But I don't want to see you cry

Day 28 - Someone That Changed Your Life

At the risk of sounding overly religious/spiritual (not that I care), I'm going to have to say that the person who changed my life is the only one that's been with me from beginning to end - Jesus.

If you were to stop reading now because you're certain this post is going to sound just like everyone else's story, I won't be offended. However, if you choose to have an open mind and learn more about me...well...don't judge me! The things that I'm going to say may surprise some while others may be glad that I'm finally getting it off my chest. Whatever the case may be, I hope the Holy Spirit moves through this post and into your heart (if He's not already there).

----

In case you hadn't figured it out yet, my father passed away when I was a little girl. For a long time I was angry at him and at God...but I got over it. For 13 years I dealt with the pain in the best way I knew how...by burying it.

The summer between my freshmen and sophomore year was really strange. Nothing out of the ordinary happened...no traumatic event...I mean, I had a full-time job, I was involved with the praise team, and I was having a blast! But when school started, I was hit with a HUGE wave of sadness. I couldn't figure out what was going on, but I had no intention of taking the time to dive into the corners of my heart. Nope! That would require a lot of tears (which are pointless) and pain. So, I pushed everyone that cared about me away. It seemed like the logical thing for me to do. They seemed so happy, and I wasn't. There was no way I was going to subject myself to such torture!

I praise God for my true friends. No matter how hard I pushed them away, they clung to me...to the point where I was slightly annoyed with them (lol). I remember during AY one Friday night I was thinking about the upcoming semester and all the classes that i would have to take. I walked outside the building and began feeling overwhelmed. I stooped down and tried to slow down my breathing and steady my heart rate. One of my campus mothers came out of nowhere and knelt down next to me. She held and encouraged me. Eventually, I was able to breathe without sobbing, so I went back inside. Another time, one of my best guy friends saw me walk out the church (during another AY service) and followed me to my car. He sat in the passenger seat and asked me what was wrong. IMMEDIATELY, I started bawling. He put his arms around me and let me cry (for the short period of time that I would allow myself to cry). There were countless sermons that brought me to tears, pounds and pounds to tissues used to wipe me face, tear stains on many of my friend's shirts and pants...and none of them minded.

Anyway, I decided that it was time for me to get re-baptized. There was too much hurt and baggage in my life. I knew that in order for me to grow, I had to let it all go. First semester of my sophomore year, God decided that would be the time to break me. He broke down my barriers and reminded me of who He was and who He could be if I let Him in. And so, on February 21, I went down in that watery grave and came up baggage free.

I remember feeling like I was on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down from the spiritual high I was on at that time. God allowed me work through my anger and hurt. I refused to hold any more grudges. I was finally free...

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that everything has been peachy keen since then, but I will say that I'm not the same person that I was. By allowing Christ to come into my life, I (and those who have known me for some time) can see a change. I'm not perfect and will never claim to be, but I'm so glad I know a perfect Savior who saw fit to work on me.

Day 27 - The Friendliest Person You Knew For Only One Day

Well, I just met her on Sabbath at a lunch. While I'm not sure if I'll ever run into her again, she really was a sweetheart.

Day 26 — The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise To

I don't recall making a pinky promise recently...

However, if I did, it would be to my mother (who is giving me the words to write this post right now).

My vow to her would be to not have sex until I am 50.

**she nods her head in approval and I roll my eyes**

Honestly, I don't remember the last pinky promise I made...but I would totally make one to myself.

What would it be, you ask?? Well that's easy.

I, Kelsey R., vow to make a difference.

See.....isn't that so much better than not having sex for the next 29 years?!?!

=)

Day 25 - The Person You Know That is Going Through The Worst of Times

"Girl, I can tell you've been crying
And you needing somebody to talk to
Girl, I can tell he's been lying
And pretending that he's faithful and he loves you
Girl, you don't have to be hiding
Don't you be ashamed to say he hurt you
I'm your girl, you're my girl, we your girls
Don't you know that we love ya" -- Destiny's Child

You can never fully understand why God allows certain things to happen in your life...why a particular situation has to play out badly. It's not until you're on the other side of that trial that you are able to internalize the lessons that you learned from that experience.

We both know I've had quite a few of those hard-earned lessons. And now is my opportunity to share them with you.

Sweetie, it's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry. You're going to feel like giving up because you can't ever seem to get enough air in your lungs to get you one step closer to point B. When you start to feel like that (but only after you've asked God to ease the blocked feeling in your airway), call me. I can shed a lot of light on a lot of situations because I've been where you are. I've been to the bottom on the bottom (or so it seemed), and I promise you, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Fight on, sweetie!

Day 24 - The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~From the television show The Wonder Years

When I close my eyes with the hopes of catching a glimpse of him, I can usually find him perched in the old blue recliner. He loved those Miami Dolphins and peanuts. Combine the two and within moments of the first kick, he'd be yelling "aww c'mon!" at the different players or referees. The snap of the peanut shell and the crunch they made as he chewed matched the volume of the roaring fans, whistles, and grunts coming from the television.

Or I may spot him in Port Lucaya on a Sunday afternoon. You see, our family would go out and get ice cream together from time to time. He was so strong back then...strong enough to tote his 4-year old daughter around on his shoulders. I can't remember the sound of his voice or laugh, but I remember his smile. Even from my elevated position, I could see the curve of his lips and his pretty white teeth...he was happy then.

He could also be found in the same recliner with a plate full of sabbath-lunch delicacies. This always made me chuckle because he knew he shouldn't have been eating the macaroni and cheese, chicken, cole slaw, potato salad, peas and rice, and all the other tasty treats...but he did it. He was determined to lead a normal life. I can see the look on my mother's face - filled with concern and disapproval at his meal choices. But she wasn't about to argue with Dr. Roach....not then...

But once my eyes are open, and I realize those are mere memories, I'm filled with a deep sadness. There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of my father. He was a great man and he impacted the lives of many people. He loved completely and unreserved; and that is one of the traits I hope to have acquired. But even when I'm sad, I think on these times and I shed happy tears knowing that I will always have my memories.

Day 23 — The Last Person You Kissed

I do believe the last person I kissed was _______. Mr. __ himself.

The circumstances were not unheard of. It was a rainy day in town and everyone was looking for their "cuddle buddy". Mr. __ and I decided to get together at his house and watch movies with his roommates.

We were watching "Hot Rod". I dozed in and out of consciousness. It was a good afternoon. Then, as we usually do, Mr. __ and I began challenging one another. Because I am a very competitive and commanding person, I don't take orders well. However, Mr. __ has a very strong personality as well. We playfully argued while watching another movie (we had changed movies by this point, I just don't recall what the film was).

He kissed me...but there was no feeling behind it.

Good thing we have our conversation skills and playful arguments to fall back on!

Day 22 - Someone You Want To Give a Second Chance To

Mr. Roach

For the few years that I knew you, I can't recall ever having that grandfather-granddaughter love connection. In fact, I was terrified of you. It seemed like you went out of your way to make sure that we never felt welcome in your presence.

However, since you are/were my grandfather, it would be nice to give you a second chance. I was so young...I didn't have the desire to step outside of myself and take the initiative to get to know you. Now that you're gone, it's a bit late for that...but you're the only person I could think of.

What would I do differently, at this point in my life, if you were still alive? That's a good question. When I lacked the desire/ability to get to know you, you refused to put aside your pride and disappointment to get to know me. That sucks. So I guess I'd have to figure out a way to get you to like me...so that you'd grow to love me. It'd be like we were dating...but you'd have no choice but to accept me and love me because I am a part of you....your blood runs through my veins...I am your granddaughter. And as unfortunate as that may seem to you, I'm really not a bad person. *shrug*..I think you'd be pretty proud of me.

But if you still couldn't love/like/respect me for the fact that I'm related to you, maybe you could do it because of Daddy....

So...Truce?
**waves white flag in surrender**

Day 21 — Someone You Judged by Their First Impression

When I first saw you
I couldn't breathe
My palms were sweaty
And my heart was pounding

When I first spoke to you
I still couldn't breathe
My palms were even more sweaty
And my heart was pounding louder than before

When we exchanged numbers
I was shocked and amazed
And I felt that there was
Something different about you

I was right
You are different
But not in the way you think
Your differences are kinda sucky

You see I thought you were a man of action
Someone that backed up what he said
But I was wrong
You're all talk...and talk is cheap

But don't worry
I don't hold it against you
I guess you're just not
What I made you out to be in my head

Day 20 - The One That Broke Your Heart The Hardest

I don't wanna waste an entire album on you
I've been there done that
And I don't wanna tell who, what, when, where
Why and how, 'cause who cares? Nobody cares.
(Vivian Green - Beautiful)

I hope you all take a moment to watch the video or listen to the song...because then you may be able to better understand where I'm coming from.

My goal was to use 30 different people to complete this challenge. Guess I need to come up with a new goal. =/ Here we go!

-----------

Crazy how drastically things can change in 1 year. 365 days. Last year this time, there was still a bit of tension in our relationship, but we were determined to make it work. I mean, you had finally chosen me...so we owed it to each other to sort things out...right? And things were going well. We were talking about our plans for my birthday and beyond. Puppies...fishing trips...big plans!

Then my birthday rolled around and I allowed you to make me look like a fool. That's what's so funny about all of this, no matter how much you are to blame, I don't expect anyone to feel badly for me because I fell for all of your lies and I played a role in all the confusion.

I tried so hard to get myself away from the situation. Knowing that it wasn't healthy for either of us, I severed all communication for a while. Then more drama broke out...more lies...more confusion. At that point, I was determined not to talk to you ever again. Not because I was angry, but because I thought I deserved better.

So when you reached out to me I was shocked and confused...but mostly scared. I didn't know what you could possibly have to say to me after months of silence. Then we slowly fell back into our old rhythm and I couldn't control how I felt. You shoved more lies down my throat and I ate it up. Then...as I should've expected...more drama. And, again, I purposed in my heart not to interact with you on an emotional level. Maintaining a friendship was most important to me, but you couldn't do that. It hurt for the first few days, but I got over it.

Then you hit me up out of nowhere and proposed a friendship. When I explained to you that we could never have a strictly platonic relationship you agreed and confessed your feelings for me again and even mentioned the idea of marriage. Big plans all over again. Then the story changed and my tolerance evaporated. I cut you off...this time, for good.

The thing that kills me the most is that I don't think I'm strong enough to get through this. Everything reminds me of you. I don't have the desire to be a relationship...you really broke me and you don't even care. But it's cool. At the end of the day, I only want you to be happy. So, I'm saying goodbye and good luck right now...because with God's help, I will come out on the other side of this a better person. I'm not going to allow you and your mistakes to determine when I can be happy again. My heart is going to be open to the man that decides I'm worth it. And when you see that, don't come running back to me. Let bygones be bygones.

I'm off this emotional roller coaster for good

Day 19 - Someone That Pesters Your Mind (Good or Bad)

Corners
of my
mind are home
to thoughts of you
and we have
never even
met

Who
do you
look like; me
or the other one
that i have
never ever
seen

What
will you
think of me
do i live up
to the standards
of the
world

Do
you know
that no one
could ever love you
the way that
i love
you

Should
you happen
to glance into
my eyes with yours
and see deep
into my
soul --

Know
that I
would go to
the moon and back
to ensure that
you are
happy

But
before we
share that tender
moment meant for us
I must know
have we
met?

Day 18 - The Person You Wish You Could Be

Be Me

Chocolate silk for skin
Miles and miles of legs
Long and un-nappy hair
Be me

Clothed from head to toe
In the latest and greatest trends
Acquired by way to my fancy job
Be me

Soccer mom vehicle
Made by the best
Loaded with well-behaved kids
Be me

Time to work and play
Playing Chef and Chauffeur
With time to be "Mommy" and "Baby"
Be me

Shrouded with garments of praise
No signs of ashes or damage
Truly seeking the face of Christ
Be me

Content with who I am
Not relying on anyone to validate me
Trusting that He's always in control
Be me

Day 17 - Someone From Your Childhood

--Felicia--

What I've heard must be true...something about true friends picking up where they left off...never skipping a beat...

Even though we missed a lot of time together, we never allow that to keep us divided. Stories are swapped, advice is given, laughs are shared...like we had been together from day 1.

I gotta tell you, one of my favorite memories with you happened when we were at Mrs. Bailou's house and we decided to be stupid and run down the street barefoot. My competitive nature had to prove that I was faster than you. Boy was I wrong!! Not only did you beat me, but I left my mark on Mrs. Bailou's driveway!! Lol!!! I still have no idea where that blasted cut came from..just saw the trail of blood. Lol!! Man!! Toooo funny!!

Anyway, you know that I love you and I'll always be here for you...whenever you need me :) I still gotta make my way to you for that visit!! Lol

*hugs and kisses*

Day 16 - Someone That's Not In Your State

Have you ever met someone that you just click with? Oh. Wait. That was a dumb question...of course you have! It happens all the time.

This post is dedicated to one of those people in my life. Even though he may never read it...lol.

Awkward
That's the best word to describe our meeting
He introduced us and you fell for me
Literally

Friendship
That's what we developed immediately
You even laughed at the big-girl-aggravated injury
Thanks

Connection
It's something that we maintained when we separated
And caused us to cultivate a deeper bond
Until

Guilt
That's why I said what I said and you did what you did
But I wasn't truly prepared for the consequences
Hurt

Silence
That's what I heard for a long time
Until we managed to reconnect a few years later
Excited

Now
We're closer than ever with hundreds of miles between us
And even though there are obstacles, I know we'll be friends
Forever

Day 15 - The Person You Miss The Most

This. Is. TOUGH!

Why?

Because there aren't many people that would make me miss them...and to narrow that down to one person that I "miss the most"...well, that's almost impossible...

Almost.

The person I miss the most is _________ (I'll let you guess. lol).

With so much history that includes a lot of tears (on my part), a reasonably intelligent person would think that I am crazy for possessing any kind of feeling for this person. What outsiders tend to forget is the fact that people change. I mean, we all have a period (or two) in our lives that we aren't very proud of. But those are the very times that shaped our characters and made us the person that we are today. As such, who am I to hold the past against anyone?

I've fought with myself a lot about this. Does it make sense for me to miss this person? Why do I miss them?

What I do know is that I miss our conversations. I miss their company. It really sucks that we may or may not have an opportunity to create more memories due to our (or my) untimely admission. But I do know that if they are supposed to be in my life, everything will work out.

So, wherever you are...whoever you are...know that you are missed and truly loved

:*

Day 14 - Someone You've Drifted Away From

It's crazy...how time waits for no one.

Almost 4 years ago, we took a picture at my high school graduation. What's funny is that we were drifting apart at that point, but I didn't want to believe it. And now. Well, I don't even know what to say. It's a sad truth, but I suppose that's all a part of life, right?

So how did we get to this point...from best friends to acquaintances? Here's my humble opinion: we grew up. While your choices forced you to grow up in a more unorthodox way, I took the normal route (i.e. work and school). A lot of decisions were made that I couldn't agree with, and while that probably made me a really bad person, I didn't want to devote the time and energy it took to repair our crumbling relationship. For that, I apologize. A true friendship can't succeed when one or both individuals don't put forth the effort.

I honestly can't say if we could ever get back to the way we were, and that saddens my heart a little. Unfortunately, I don't think it bothers me enough to change it. The past is what it is and we can't dwell in it. The memories and laughs that we shared then are behind us. Our present and future are independent of one another. Sucks to admit, but it's high time that we were honest with one another....don't you think?

Day 13 - Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

::Under Construction::

Day 12 — The Person That Caused You a Lot of Pain

I've stated on more than one occasion that writing is therapeutic for me. There are times, however, when I wonder if writing about something/someone can really make me feel any better about the situation/person. I mean, what if I spill my proverbial guts and all the negative feelings are still there? To me, writing is like crying...no matter how much you do it, it doesn't change the situation...and the feeling of relief only lasts for so long. Priscilla Renea (look her up) says in one of her songs that crying doesn't always solve your problems; in fact, it generally prolongs them. So, is that a risk I'm willing to take with my tears/words? Is this person worth that much of my time and efforts?

Yes.

_________


We all know what you did
you, me, and God
and it seems like from that moment
you made it your goal to play the victim
but what you choose to forget
is that you are the guilty party

We all know what you did
you, me, and God
you sit there all proud
playing the innocent role
so well that you must
believe it to be true

We all know what you did
you, me, and God
i watch you manipulate situations
causing people to see what you wanted
throwing your weight around
simply because you have so much to throw

We all know what you did
you, me, and God
and the thing that hurt the most
wasn't anything that you did to me
all the lies that were told
in hopes that people would side with you

We all know what you did
you, me, and God
but i'm done holding it against you
because none of us are perfect
and since God knows what you've done
i don't have to worry about revenge

We all know what you did
you, me, and God

Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

I've got a surprise for you! Today, I'm going to write about someone that you wouldn't expect me, Kelsey, to write about. You probably think I'm going to say my dad. However, I write about/to him all the time. This one is for my favorite bible character (after Jesus)...Esther.

Dear Queen Esther,

My name is Michaela and I am 19 years old. First of all, I would like to thank you for saving our entire nation. I'm sure you never thought that you would hear someone say that. That must be a common thing now...receiving thanks for something that you refuse to take credit for.

That's the real reason for this correspondence. Thank you for being a role model. You were solicited the prayers of your people and were able to stand in the midst of your enemy. The courage and strength you posses astound all of the girls my age. While there are many people that simply admire you for your looks, we (your Hebrew people) admire you for allowing the God of heaven to reign supreme in your life. It truly is quite inspirational to know that someone in such an esteemed position did not compromise her beliefs.

Queen, I don't want you to think me out of place, but I what was going through your mind that last night? I have my ideas, but I'm not sure how accurate they are. Logically, you had to be terrified. Knowing that the king's best friend was about to destroy an entire nation under the guise of protecting the kingdom is a lot to keep inside for as long as you did. Then you were going to have to explain to the king that you are one of the very people that he is being "protected" from. Would he believe you? Would he even care?

However, on the other hand, you may have felt at peace. You know, the kind that no one else could possibly understand. Since you are doing what God called you to do, why worry? Everything would work out the way it was supposed to...

I like to learn towards the first option because it makes you seem more human...more tangible...closer to me, in some way .

Regardless of your feelings, you did what you had to do. Our lives are forever indebted to you. And while you'd never accept such an elaborate gift, I hope my - our eternal gratitude is enough.

Long Live the Queen!

Day 10 - Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like To

The person that came to mind for this entry is my big cousin/sister, Jessica.

Growing up, Jessica was the person that I looked up to most (besides my mom). I mean, would could blame me? She's gorgeous, super smart, ridiculously sweet and giving, and amazingly talented. I watched her accomplish so many things and I hoped that I could live up to her legacy.

To this day, I am in awe of her. She's doing what she loves and she's not afraid to be who she is. Of course, since she's always busy working, I don't get to talk to her as much as I would like to...but I know that she's only a phone call away when I need her.

Jessica Marie, I love you sooo much and I'm super duper proud of you. You're amazing and you deserve the entire world; I know, without a doubt, that you'll get just that.
*kisses*

Day 9 - Someone You Wish You Could Meet

The person I wish I could meet, is the "you" that I know you can be...the "you" that I see.

Unfortunately, I know that can never happen. Why? Because the "you" that I see and the "you" that you are happen to be polar opposites. What sucks the most is the fact that there is a part of you that wants to be the person that I see, but that requires change...which requires work...that's not your style. People say I'm stubborn and set in my ways...psh...clearly they've never met you.

But that's neither here nor there.

Since I can't meet the "you" I want to see, I'm not gonna see any version of you.

*peace*

Day 8 - Favorite Internet Friend

It took me a little while to figure out who to write about for today. As I was looking at my Facebook profile, I saw that someone had tagged me in a video post...who was it?? This guy:


Skully (yup...that's what I call him) is the best!! I decided that he would receive this esteemed title because he truly is a faithful internet (and face-to-face) friend. But not just the average run-of-the-mill kind of friend.

You can always count on Skully to have an encouraging word to get you through the week. His status', posts, and notes are intended to bring those he cares about closer to Christ. He loves the Lord and is not ashamed to tell the world. It seems as though Skully has made it his mission to get people through every situation.

Not only is he a Spirit-filled friend, he's always good for a laugh. Skully is notorious for silly videos or comments.

Anyway!!!!! I'm glad that God put this guy in my life and I pray that he receives only the best....

Can't say I never did anything for you, Skully!

-Bones

Day 7 - Your Ex

To Jac:

"I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine. When I see you from time to time I still feel like. You can see it no matter how I try to hide. You will always be my boo." - Alicia Keys

Funny how a song can transport you to another time in your life. When Alicia Keys and Usher told each other that there would always be some level of love between them in the 2005 hit "My Boo", I decided that their lyrics applied to our relationship. From that moment on, you were always going to be my boo...whether I liked it or not.

That's proven to be very true.

Over the years, you've managed to pop in and out of my life like a toaster strudel at breakfast. Not to say that there is a romantic interest on my part, but you definitely have a very special place in my heart. Even after all the tears and disappointments, I'm still glad that you're a part of my life. No matter how much people may hold the past against you, I've always believed that you just needed to do a lot of maturing.

Anyway! On to more important matters...

I've never forgotten what you said one December night. You were trying to persuade me that we should be together (again) and I didn't think I was up to it. Then you said (and I quote), "I had a conversation with the Guy upstairs. He said we're gonna be together. Maybe not right now, but we will some day." At the time I thought you were being ridiculous...hey, I still kinda do.

But I do find myself asking God if there was any truth to that declaration. I mean, that would be pretty crazy, right? Right! Then I have people in my ear telling me that you just think of me as "the one that got away" (whatever that means!). However, who are they to tell me what God's plans are for me life? Heck, who am I to tell me what God's plans are for my life?? Don't get me wrong, we still have some issues to work on (i.e. communication), but that's something we need to cultivate on a friendship-type level...since we skipped that part. lol. Seriously though, I am so glad we're talking again!!

You've always been someone that I could talk to about anything. Whenever I was hurting, you tried your best to console me and, if possible, handle the situation. We've had our ups and downs, but we always manage to remain friends. You mean the world to me and I'm super proud of the progress you've made in life.

I love you now and forever...don't forget it either!

Day 6 - A Stranger

Baby Boy

look there in the corner at
a mother and her precious baby boy
oblivious to the world around them
wrapped up in their love for one another.
she tries her best to give him
the things that he needs
and even some of the things he wants.
when he cries, a bottle
materializes at his infant lips
or she lifts him high above her head
and makes silly faces that cause
baby boy laughter to drift through the air.
and when she rests his head on her heart,
she tucks him into the nooks and crannies
of her arms so that she protects him
from the things that he's too young to understand.
she sings a sweet song into his hair
of her hopes for his future;
as he closes his eyes she prays
that the words will embed themselves in his heart.
like any mother, she only wants the best
a promising career and a beautiful family.
she loves him with an unconditional love,
that's typical of any mother
the only difference is,
she's not going to be around much longer.
the door opens and he walks in
mother and baby - still wrapped up in each other -
don't notice the clink of handcuffs
or the heavy steps of the officer
until he hovers like a storm cloud.
she breathes in the sweet scent of his innocence
and rises to her feet to face her daunting future.
sweet baby boy is handed to a nurse
and mother is forced to say goodbye.
no tears are shed
just a proud woman who determined in her heart
to teach baby boy what it means
to be a responsible person...
accepting the consequences for all actions.
as she's cuffed and led out of the room,
she is thankful for those first and last moments
with her precious baby boy.

Day 5 - Your Dreams

The Evolution of a Dream

There are a few songs that deal with the idea of dreams. Ashanti had one on her debut album called "Dreams" and Jazmine Sullivan's track is called "Dream Big". However, I was doing just that long before either of those albums hit the shelves.

I've always been a very ambitious dreamer. There was one point in my life when I wanted to be the first African-American female president. Unfortunately, that dream was dashed almost immediately after its conception (a former teacher said that it was a racist idea...and I wasn't to keen on being looked at as a racist!).

Needless to say, I moved on to more realistic dreams. 1) a BANGIN' career; 2) a BANGIN' husband and 2.5 kids; 3) a nice car...basically, I wanted my life to turn out like my favorite M*A*S*H prediction (you know what I'm talking about...the "game" where you list a bunch of stuff that you want to happen and watch most of those things get crossed off the page. lol). For a while I bounced back and forth between the idea of being a surgeon or an attorney. Upon realizing that the medical field requires some serious contact with the sciences and math, I decided that the profession wasn't for me. Then came this infatuation with the lifestyle I thought attorneys had...so that's what I HAD to do. Not to mention I'd be able to do something that I'm pretty good at....ARGUING! The downside was that I didn't have a passion for it. As nice as it would've been to make a whole lot of money, I learned (after working for THE MAN) that the novelty of money kinda wears off. So I had to re-evaluate things.

So! What does my future look like now-a-days? It would be great if things could turn out like the perfect M*A*S*H...but I know life is far more exciting/imperfect than that. Like any good wisher, I'm not at liberty to share my dreams/wishes with you. That doesn't mean they don't exist! Just know that law and medicine aren't a part of my desired future....at least not on a professional level....may have a run-in with the law...or medical personnel...or both.....*cue suspense music*...

Day 4 - To Your Sibling

I have a brother
we share a mother
he loves like no other
'cause he's my big brother

LOL!!! Now that that's out of the way, let me be serious.

Poose,

How do you express how much someone means to you? I mean, neither of us are "mushy" people. We don't dwell on feelings/emotions. We live for facts and reality. So that could make it a little difficult to complete this assignment...but I was told to go below the surface stuff. So here goes.

Since the day I made my entrance into this world, you were my protector. That role usually interfered when I wanted to hang out with you and your friends (mostly in Freeport). I remember one of the many church picnics on the beach where you and your friends were out having the time of your lives in the pretty blue ocean. I couldn't have been more than 4, but I was determined to swim with the big kids that day. So I doggy-paddle my way out towards you, but those pesky waves got in my way. Next thing I know I'm under the water. *sigh* See, I just wanted to be cool like you guys...didn't matter if I was gonna lose my life in the process (that was a LONG time ago. I've wised up a bit! LOL).

For a long time I didn't think you liked me. You were always beating me up and making me do crazy stuff. It was my firm belief that you were punishing me for being born. Okay...maybe not "firm"...but there were times I felt that way. But then there were other times when I knew you loved me. You remember those summer/spring days when we'd go outside and play basketball?? You never took it easy on me. Once, you blocked my shot so hard that the ball sailed through the air, over the front yard, and into the gutter on the side of the road. You were laughing so hard as I took the walk of shame to retrieve it. LOL! But those experiences helped me to be the tough-skinned person that I am today (and an amazing ball player!!!).

Of course there were some bad times. I watched you live your life and make a lot of silly decisions. Some of those caused you to be away from me. The first time you left (when you went to BMA), I felt so alone. I mean, yeah...Mommy was there, but you were gone. For years you were the man in the house, so when you left I kinda felt the way I did after Daddy's funeral. But that was a great move for you to make. You buckled down and got your work done and I was so proud of you. Then you left me again for Oakwood! That was the first time you ever hugged me and it was the craziest thing. I was in shock...had no idea how to respond.

Now you're off doing what you need to do and I couldn't be more happy for you. Through all of your ups and downs, you've emerged a completely changed man. You've calmed down and you're focused on your goal. My heart overflows with pride and love for you. As always, I pray that you'll let the Lord come in and truly change you...from the inside out....because my dream is that I'll spend an eternity with you, Daddy, and Mommy. But, even if you don't, I will never stop loving or praying for you. Thank you for all that you've done for me over the past 21 years and I hope you know that I will ALWAYS have your back.

Love

Day 3 - To Your Parent

With grace, style, and a flare all your own
you run things...
departments and households;
marathons and errands.

Driven by a desire to see us succeed
you stressed and stretched yourself
beyond human boundaries
into the world of sacrifice.

Through heartache and sleepless nights
arguments and seemingly endless prayers
you raised two children who know
the strength of a God-fearing mother.

And as I sit and watch you now
I see a woman who is flourishing in her prime
a woman who loves unapologetically
and a woman who fights for what is right.

Here and now I vow to make you proud
to be the person that you know I can be
to do the things that you know that I can accomplish
and to soar to the heights that you know God has for me.

So when my daughter or granddaughter asks
what my mother was like i'll tell them that
if I could be even half the woman
that you are would be good enough for me.


To the greatest inspiration I could ever hope to have in my life.

Day 2 - To Your Crush

"When I look into your eyes I envision you and me on love's journey. So I wrote this melody to show you that you send me chills..." - Fatty Koo

I close my eyes and see an image
of a man...this man...
the man that was created for me
if not to be with, then only to dream of.

This feeling I get when you smile
is much deeper than lust
so that must be why they call it a crush 'cause
you demolish my walls with those up-turned lips.

You stand head and shoulders above the crowd,
obviously not because of your looks or physical height,
but because you carry yourself with an unction of confidence
that elevates you into new and uncharted territory.

Like melodies from my favorite Kenny G. songs
your voice floats through the air,
illuminating the dark corners of my heart
and causing a blinding light to shine through.

But those aren't the only things that piqued my interest
because i know that there's more to you
than what you allow the world to see;
all you have to do is open up and let me in.

Mysterious and reserved
center of attention and life of every party...

If I keep dreaming, maybe one day it'll all be real.

By: Me

Day 1 - Your Best Friend(s)

Ladies:

I never would have thought that there would come a day in my life in which i can truly say that i have four of the greatest friends this world has ever known. We are all very different women and the relationship that I share with each of you is drastically different from the others, but I firmly believe that God put us together for such a time as this. We've been through our share of ups and downs, and we've managed to come out unscathed and stronger than before.

Because I refuse to allow myself to be an overtly emotional/personal individual, I will take this opportunity to tell you the things that rarely cross my lips. My purpose for this letter is to tell you what you mean to me and the impact that you've had on my life.


Dear Hayland,

I know you probably hate me for posting that picture, but it's such a great shot of us doing what we do best...absolutely nothing! ;)

We've been so close for what seems like a lifetime. The crazy part is that our friendship evolved from your one-sided disdain for me. Look how quickly things change! A great deal of my most memorable high school (and life) experiences were shared with you, and I thank you for that. You have always been a supportive and encouraging sounding board when necessary...or a shoulder to cry on (how often does THAT happen?! psh!). The fact is, you're way more than a "best friend"...you're my sister and I love you as such.

I'm EXTREMELY proud of you and the person that you're striving to be. My prayer is that you allow God to move in a mighty way in EVERY aspect of your life. I know you're going to accomplish great things in your life and I can't wait to be in the audience cheering you on. And when we're old and gray and we're sitting on the porch of the nursing home, we'll have our sprite cans in hand and countless stories to keep all the residents entertained.

I love you, Niggey/CSI!!!


Dear Jeeda,

Can you believe you and I didn't take a single picture on this visit?! MAN! Ah well, there's always next time.

Sweetie, if only I could tell you just how much I admire you. While my words would never be good enough, I will give it my best try.

I've watched you grow tremendously since our days on 1st West. At the core, you've always been this mature, responsible, intelligent, naive young woman. But it seemed like you were intent on breaking out of your comfort zone and being the person you thought you should've been. We bumped heads on several occasions (and at one point I wasn't sure we'd ever speak again), but we made it through.

Now, I look at the amazing woman that you are. You're a full-time student, a full-time mother, and an over-worked friend. You deserve the world and then some. I hope that you never let the weight of your responsibilities to keep you down. As you know, you'll have moments where you feel like there's no point in what you're doing, or that you're not good enough, or that you can't give enough of yourself to those who need you. In those times, I want...no, I need you to remember that you are more than any of us could hope to be. You're a strong, beautiful, graceful, God-fearing woman who is doing a spectacular job raising your little girl. Keep holding on, my love. What God has for you is only for you. And when it finally makes it to you, you'll truly be able to enjoy it.

I'm always here for you and my baby whenever you need me. *kisses*


Animal(Jemica) and Amanda

Here we are, entering our final year of college and another phase of our friendship. I don't think there are two ladies in this world that know me better than you two. We are three very different individuals with three very different personalities. We argue/fight/disagree more often than we probably should, yet we're still inseparable. It's crazy how God could create the same person three times (who happen to be COMPLETELY different), put them in different parts of the country, bring them together, and cause them to grow to love one another the way we do. GABE!!! lol.

You both possess qualities that I wish I had: Animal's caring and loving nature; Amanda's passion for life and disregard for other's opinions of her. I look up to you guys whether you like it or not. lol.

We've experienced boy drama, academic difficulties, random bouts of depression, silent treatments...but look at us now, guys. We're making it!

I love you both more than you could ever truly understand.


Even with all these words, I know I was not able to fully express myself. smh (the sound)! I'm looking forward to a lifetime of memories with all of you!!

30 Day Challenge

I was encouraged to participate in a writing challenge. For the next 30 days, I will write about the following topics:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

I'm really excited about this...let's the games begin!!